Hysterectomy

Today I am celebrating my last day with my uterus. I am having her removed tomorrow & couldn't be more thrilled! I felt like, since our history together has been so long that I owe her a proper farewell. Here is the speech I have typed out to share at the Kotex bonfire I had planned to have before my surgery, but time has not allowed for such a get together:

Dear Uterus,
Where do I begin? We have been together for so long. I remember in the 6th grade my teachers made me watch a video about the role you would soon play in my body. Wow, that film did not adequately represent the roller coaster relationship that we would come to share. We officially met in November of the following school year in the ladies' room on the 7th grade campus. I remember I was suppose to walk to gymnastics after school that day. I was so distraught. I rode the bus home instead and was greeted by my mother & brother who were visiting in the kitchen. I remember mom asking, "Why aren't you at gymnastics?" MOTHER! How could you ask me that in front of my BROTHER! How embarrassing! I felt like you had put a stamp on my forehead announcing to the world that I had entered womanhood. I jerked her into the next room to explain that I had met you and chastised her for nearly forcing me to make the announcement in front of my brother. How dare her! And so the drama & mood swings began...(however, if you asked her, she would probably say they had been ongoing for quite some time at that point). I had entered into a sisterhood with my 2 closest friends. You introduced yourself to us within a few months of each other. We came up with the code name, "giggles", for you so we wouldn't have to mention the word "period" in front of anyone else. "Oh, I've got the giggles", we would say & then just laugh. And so the roller coaster began. Every month you greeted me with bloating, mood swings, and indescribable cramps. I was gauranteed to miss at least a day of school each month due to the agony of your little visits. I can thank you for introducing me to my other family of friends, narcotics. We go way back. Your visits became so intense that I was forced to meet with my first OB/GYN. Oh, the memories! I remember my dear friend, Lou Ann consoling me. She said, "Try not to be nervous. Just lay back on the table & count the ceiling tiles to keep yourself distracted from the exam." Ceiling tiles? Someone forgot to tell Dr. Terri Elkins that ceiling tiles should've been included in her building plans. No ceiling tiles! What was I suppose to do now? Ahhh! Floral wall paper border. I remember counting the petals on the flowers as I was being violated on that table at age 17. She put me on my first birth control pills so I could control your visits better. You were really bad about misbehaving and lingering longer than you were welcome & these pills really helped shorten your stay & keep you in line. Several years later I married Jason. I couldn't wait to try out your next function, baby basket! I would beg, "Can I have a baby yet? Huh? Huh? Can I?" 5 years later, off the pills I went. 2 months after that I found out you were holding our first child. Ahh. Maybe now I could forgive you for all the torture you had caused me through the years. It was so nice of you to give me that nice 9 month break from your visits while you held Daniel for me. 2 1/2 years later, you were so sweet to, once again, carry a son-Andrew for me. Six months after his birth we found out that you were holding another surprise angel for us. After that 3 month journey, it was determined that you would be relieved of your duty as Jesus saw fit to keep that sweet little one. Thank you for holding "Sam" for me when I couldn't. God graciously blessed us 2 months later with the pregnancy of our first daughter, Victoria. Man, I am really loving your ability to hold babies, huh?! In fact, you surprised us 3 years after her with another precious girl, Ashley. You've been such a great baby basket, but enough already! My quiver is full. I no longer have a desire to visit with you month after month. You have really begun to wear out your welcome. While I appreciate all of your service to me, it is time for us to part ways. The Kotex corporation will have to depend on someone else to fill their pockets from now on. Uterus- the ride stops here. It is with much joy that I bid you farewell. Good bye old...friend?
-Courtney

Busy day ahead!

Today is our last MOPS meeting of the semester :( I love MOPS & I'm so glad there are summer activities scheduled to help entertain the kids while allowing adult interaction on my part. After MOPS today I have to run across town, pick up the 2 middle kids and drive to a neighboring town for a table leaders meeting. After that I will run the kids to Nannaw's house & head to work for a couple of hours to get my charts ready to see patients tomorrow. At 2:30 I have to pick up the oldest, then I think I will work in a trip to the gym before the oldest has to be atball practice at 5 & the youngest son has a game at 7:15...8:30 BEDTIME Whew!!! I can't wait! Maybe some snuggle time with the hubby can be squeezed in around 9. I hope you all (Krystal) have a great day. I need some more "followers" :)

Emotional hangover

Due to my excessive tear shed last night and into the early morning, I faced my alarm clock with much resistance at 6:30 a.m. I have a habit of turning it off & falling back to sleep before I even realize what I've done. Such was the case today. I was woken up by my sweet children at 8:15. Oops! Church day. Need to leave by 9:15! Well, I was able to get the kiddos ready & send them with Daddy. I on the other hand, I am a different story. I think I'll be able to throw it together in time to make church (If I can drag my butt away from this computer).
I'm looking forward to the day. This afternoon I get to watch my dear friend, Michele, be showered with gifts for her soon-to-be born son, Asher. I know she and Ryan will be awesome parents as they commit to raise their son in the ways of the Lord.
This evening I am responsible for cooking the main course for our small group. Pepperoni and mozzarella stuffed chicken breasts it is! I really enjoy cooking & I hope everyone loves it.
Tomorrow is our last MOPS meeting for this semester :( I'm so glad they plan events for us to do in the summer time. MOPS is such a great outlet for me. 2 hours of adult conversation while my children are being taken care of. It doesn't get much better...unless it's a kid free vacation with my man!
Can you tell by reading this that I am Captain Random- jumping from subject to subject? It's just how I roll. Sputtering off all my thoughts as they pop into my mind :) It's time for me to practice self-discipline and peel myself out of this office chair so I can make it to church on time. Check back tomorrow as I post updates on my journey to weight loss!

Tough week

This week marks a tough anniversary for me. On May 1, 2004 I had a difficult conversation with my ailing father. I stopped by his house to tell him goodbye as I was leaving Longview to head back to Liberty for another week until I would be back to help my mom care for him. When I arrived he had a terrible cough. I knew I couldn't leave town with him being that sick. I told him he would need to go to the hospital b/c it sounded like he had pneumonia. With him being a cancer patient, this is something that couldn't be taken lightly. He told me he was done with the hospital & did not want to go back. His only other option was hospice care. I told him that I would need his permission to call for hospice. He thought it over for a little bit & told me to call them. Sounds like a simple enough conversation, but it was the most difficult one I've ever had. I knew that by agreeing to go on hospice my father had given up hope in living. He fought a hard fight against bladder cancer for 18 months; going through extremely uncomfortable and humiliating tests and procedures, enduring the surgical removal of his bladder-swallowing all of his pride wearing diapers as he learned to urinate through a new "bladder" created from his intestine, losing his hair-all but a few strands that he so proudly combed & sprayed into place-as he battled through chemo, total loss of appetite, weight loss, mouth sores, pain, night sweats & just overall discomfort all for the sake of survival. He was willing to pay the high price of treatment in order to prolong his life. Unfortunately his cancer was already a stage 4 when it was found and we knew his prognosis wasn't great. Once hospice took over his care-and they did a great job-he only lived a week. We lost him on May 8, 2004.
I'm missing my dad a lot tonight. He & I had a strained relationship for most of my life. It wasn't until I was 17 that we began trying to mend things. It took time for us to get to a place where we really got along & were able to discuss our feelings together. I am so grateful that God prompted a conversation between the two of us at a youth camp in Lone Star, TX that would begin a new relationship. On the day my daddy died I can honestly say there were no words left unspoken. He knew my love for him & I knew his for me. It is still so painful. Painful that he will not see his grandchildren grow up. He never knew my 2 princesses, and oh, would he have been head over heels for them! I never imagined how much my world was going to shift after he left, but WOW! Even now, as I'm looking for a new vehicle I wish I could call for his advice. I wish I could tell him how well Jason & I are doing. The very trait I think my dad feared the most in Jason was his risk taking, but I know he really admired Jason's passion & zeal for life. Jason was the last person to speak to my daddy. When my dad was no longer able to communicate, my husband was the one to sit with him & encourage him to embrace heaven. He told him it was okay for him to leave now and that everything on this side of heaven was going to be okay. He told him that he was pursuing his education & that the kids and I were going to be taken care of. Five minutes later I went in to check on my dad. He had left the room to enter into eternity with his Heavenly Father. The same Heavenly Father who held me through the pain of losing my daddy and the same Heavenly Father who at this very moment is holding me as I cry. I am so grateful that my dad no longer suffers from the pain of cancer, the battle of depression, the temptation to pick up another cigarette. He has a new, perfect body. I rejoice for him. I know if he had been able to see into his future & the destruction smoking would cause his body, and the anguish that the loss of his life would cause his family he would've never picked up that first cigarette.
Jesus wrap me in your peace this week as I struggle to block out tough memories. Please replace them with memories of the good times. Thank you for being my eternal Father.