Thoughts of the Day

Adventure

2011-10-25T18:30:00.004-05:00

School today was much like a wisdom tooth extraction. If I hear, "This is too hard", "Why can't we just do 2nd/5th grade (respectably) work", "This book is wrong", or "Ms. So & So didn't do it that way" I may just have to pull out what's left of my already thin hair. Never mind the fact that "bedtime" is pretty much a joke now, and that you got to sit at Butcher Shop and enjoy an awesome breakfast while leisurely sitting back to have your Bible & Character stories read to you this morning. One day, I hope they will understand and appreciate the sacrifices that we have been willing to make to give them what, we feel, is best for them. I began typing this post about 5 hours ago and I'm just sitting down to finish it. One child had to spend most of the evening at the dining table with his father overseeing him finish, what should've been, a simple English assignment. I refused to listen to moaning and complaining during our regular school hours & told him he would have to take it up with the "principal" when he got home. I got them set up at the table, handed the answer key off to dad, and then headed out the door for some fresh air and retail therapy...Does stopping by the pharmacy to pick up thyroid medicine count as retail therapy? I'll take whatever I can get. Just kidding, sort of. I did spend an hour in a retail store near the pharmacy. What is a girl to do when she can't find clothes that fit the way she would like? Resort to shopping for house ware items- and that's what I did. I bought a turkey baster, new hand towels for my bathroom (since the acne wash...yes acne wash (that I have to use at age 30-something) bleached out the previous ones) and a gravy separator. I'm so excited about the gravy separator! I was just telling my hubby the other day that I needed one to strain the fat off of chicken broth so cooking chicken & dumplin's would be easier. Guess what's for dinner tonight? Yea!!! Shopping for myself wasn't a complete bust. I found 3 pair of shoes for fall. If you've followed my Facebook statuses in the past, you will understand that this is a huge feat (no pun intended...get it? HUGE FEeT :) I also found a backpack for myself that will come in handy on the kid's field trips to tote hand sanitizer, wipes, kleenex & the camera, as well as a smaller crossover purse. I don't know if that's what they're really called, but the kind that crosses over your body so you can have free hands. My 6 year old saw one & told me I needed one like it and I agreed. My 2 hour break was just enough time to clear my head and begin to relax. Then I came home and drank a cup of coffee so I'm awake typing in my blog at 12:23 a.m. (I'm beginning to think I'll never learn this lesson, as it's become a regular occurrence)
In other news: In case you didn't see on FB, it is now public knowledge that we are part of a new church plant that's happening in our town. After much prayer and over 6 months of laying the ground work, we are ready to see what God has in store for this church.
I must say that this is the busiest season in each, my hubby's & my life, yet there is a peaceful calmness. We are both focusing on what we feel the Lord has called us to do. So, as chaotic as our schedules seem- and as heavy as the responsibilities before us are, WE WILL PRESS ON- Prayerfully taking every step in obedience to the calling. Saddle up your horses- This is the great adventure!

Winner winner chicken dinner!

2011-10-11T20:49:00.002-05:00

Ahhh. Almost bedtime! It hasn't been a bad day, just trying at times. Tuesdays are always a little more complex because we have to hit the floor running. Little bit goes to MDO, and my BFF (cleaning lady) comes. We have to be ready by 8:00 a.m. which is early compared to our usual routine. Since we are unable to stay at the house for school, I load backpacks down with curriculum, notebooks & supplies on Monday evenings. We drop Ashley off at 9:00 and go out for breakfast while we wait for the library to open at 10:00. Today was a busy day at the library and there were a lot of distractions -welcome distractions- like bumping into a sweet friend that I hadn't seen in a few months and meeting a new friend who's been home schooling for 7 years. Funny thing- both ladies use to be English teachers. I was able to pick my new friend's brain about curriculum since I've not been pleased with my choice. She mentioned one that had been recommended by others before...so... we cut our school day short so the "teacher" could run to the bookstore & purchase new English books for the class. At the bookstore, it just so happens that the cashier was home schooled and has also been home schooling her own children for 11 years. She also had lots of wisdom to share with me. I need all the help I can get. It was an encouraging day, in that aspect.
Then...we got home. Home: where we feel comfortable being ourselves and letting all of our ugly hang out. The boys got a lesson on brotherly love; what it means, and how to achieve it. One boy was receptive, and the other- not so much. So, the younger one bought himself an early bedtime, while the oldest is just now winding down with some music through the headphones. He is picking up his daddy's love for music. They are 2 peas in a pod on many accounts.
Tonight I made a quickie version of one of my favorite slow cooker recipes. I'm new to blogging and don't know how to add attachments or pictures to my blog yet (and I'm too tired/lazy to look into it right now), so if you would like to see the recipe, feel free to check out my Facebook account for a link. The original recipe calls for a whole chicken to be cooked for, like, 7 hours. This evening I used frozen boneless skinless chicken breasts. They were completely done after cooking for 25 minutes in my (intimidating) pressure cooker. I'm so glad no one was in the kitchen to watch me acting a fool every time the cooker let off steam. I suffered from a 25 minute long panic attack, as I do every time I use the pressure cooker. It's a price I'm willing to pay for quick, easy meals. The best part of tonight's dinner- NO leftovers!!! Thus, the name of my post. I love it when all the members of my household like a meal I've prepared on the same night! It makes my day, and it's very rare.
It's been a long day & this momma is tired and headed off to bed. I'm enjoying spilling my thoughts out on this screen to you (what is it, 8?) people :) Sweet dreams!

Date nights

2011-10-06T23:36:00.002-05:00

All relationships need time and attention to truly flourish. Not only have Jason & I committed to a weekly date night, but he is trying to be consistent in taking the kids out one at a time. Daniel gets time with his daddy 3 nights out of the month when they go to guitar lessons together. Afterward they go grab a coke or a late dinner and discuss the latest book they've been going through in the Bible. Currently, they are reading John. Last night Andrew got a turn to go out alone with daddy. He chose to have dinner at the Roadhouse. J let him order a huge glass of "cowboy punch". After dinner they stopped for banana splits at Shakes. For those of you who've not met my husband, he is VERY sociable. Chatty would be an understatement. When he worked at the police department, his nickname was "Gabby". Andrew, on the other hand, takes after me. He is a boy of few words. Poor Jason texted me throughout their meal about how being with Andrew reminded him of our early dating years. He would ask me how I was & I would answer with a simple, "fine". Did you have a good day? "Yeah". And so the night went with Andrew :) I encouraged Jason & let him know that Andrew truly was having a great time- just as I did so many years ago. Andrew is also our child with the most OCD tendencies. They all have a few, but he takes the cake. J sent me a picture of our son's place setting at the restaurant. Everything was neatly arranged in front of him. Today I took a picture of his work space to show J that A really is consistent. We colored sombreros that were labeled in Spanish colors. When Andrew finished, he laid the corresponding crayon on top of each sombrero, all lying in the same direction. Bless our kids' hearts. They have a 200% chance of developing OCD. Jason is a compulsive lock-checker & I have even number issues, especially when eating is involved. I suppose we all have our quirks, right?
While these two were out last night, the other 3 & I did a little neighborhood outreach. We have 2 sweet widow ladies who live very close to us. I baked up some banana bread and had the kids draw pictures and write notes to them and we delivered the loaves in tissue filled gift bags so they could enjoy it for breakfast this morning. I hope that my kids will always be aware of the people in need around them, and seek out ways to help meet their needs. I have not been an attentive enough neighbor to these sweet ladies and that was brought to my attention last week when one of them broke down in tears in my driveway. I felt like a heel for not checking on her more. I know she's lonely :*(
Tonight was my turn to have some quality time with the man of my house. We usually have a couple of sitters stay with the kids on our date night, but this week my sister & brother-in-law
offered to take them to dinner and a theater production at a local university. I know they needed a change of pace & a break from this house, so it was a good outing for them. They also had ice cream at about 9:00 just before they got home for bedtime :) Needless to say, they had a late bedtime tonight. That's okay though since we choose not to have school on Fridays. It just means momma gets to sleep in tomorrow! (God willing...please Jesus?) Jason & I enjoyed dinner at Red Lobster and were able to converse- uninterrupted- about all the new & exciting things going on in our lives right now. I ALWAYS enjoy my time with him & I'm so grateful to have it. Tonight I am thankful for my sweet family <3

A few happenings

2011-10-05T21:35:00.000-05:00

Well, Monday evening it hit. After nearly 5 weeks in my new role of "school teacher" I began to feel the pressure. Maybe every home schooling mom doesn't struggle in this area, but I knew when we decided to do this it would be a battle for me due to my selfish nature. After the kids went to bed Monday evening, I just burst into tears for no apparent reason. Poor Jason was trying to understand what was wrong so he could offer support. He asked if I was unhappy with home schooling. No, not at all. In fact, I'm really loving it. I really wasn't unhappy at all, just feeling a little overwhelmed and sucked dry. Don't get me wrong here. I love my kids. All I ever wanted to be growing up was a good wife and mother. When I was blessed to come home from my "career" after the birth of our 2nd child, it was a dream come true. (even if it was more like we didn't have a choice since we couldn't afford childcare for 2 kids) We had to make sacrifices and it was, and has been, totally worth it. I never dreamed I would be able to have them home with me during the day after they started school. It's been awesome...however...Do you know how many questions 4 children can ask or how many arguements can take place within an hour? Do you know that mine are awake for 13 hours a day? That equates to a lot of questions (which I am happy to answer, of course :) and bickering. By the time they were in bed each night, it was as if my ears were ringing. It was obvious that I needed a little escape to gather my thoughts...or just confirm that I did, indeed, still have some of my very own thoughts. My sweet hubby came home from work the following day & pushed me out the door for some alone time. I thought about calling a friend to join me, but honestly, I just needed some peace & quiet. It was only a 3 1/2 hour break, but the kids were in bed when I got home and it was just enough time for me to relax a bit and recharge. I have a great man. This morning I felt like a new woman, ready to face our day.
Flu season is among us. I've not taken the kids for the flu vaccine in the past because the last time I got one I had a little local reaction and just didn't want them to be uncomfortable when doctors couldn't guarantee that all the strains were covered in the shot. Last November the flu bug hit our house with a vengeance. I was the only one spared. 5 cases of flu turned into 2 cases of pneumonia, strep throat, ear infections and asthma issues that lingered on into February....that being said, I loaded the kids up after school today for the flu nasal mist. We arrived at our appointment and upon check in the receptionist asks me if any of the kids have asthma...well, yes, one does- which disqualified him for the painless nasal spray :( Oh, he was NOT happy. I felt sorry for him, so he got to choose where we ate lunch. CiCi's of course :/ First, I drove to Walgreen's to get the nasal mist for myself only to find they didn't have it in stock. My options were to stay there and get a shot or drive a few miles up the road and pay $15 more for the mist somewhere else. I had to think hard about it, but gave in and got the shot. I can give birth to 4 children, but I'll pass on shots (and dental visits...that's a post for another day).
I'm feeling long-winded, so I guess I better stop now and save some for tomorrow since I've vowed to be more consistant with my posts. Tomorrow's topic- I'm thinking "date nights".

Beginning week five!

2011-10-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

It certainly doesn't feel like I've been a teacher for nearly 5 weeks. Home schooling has gone better than I could've imagined, although I have had a few surprises along the way. While I was preparing for this journey, I just knew I was going to struggle with my strong-willed first born. It was honestly one of my biggest fears that every instruction I gave him would be met with a bad attitude. I am SO pleased to announce that he proved me wrong! He has done a fabulous job. My second born, however, hasn't made as easy of a transition. He will tell us that he likes home school better than public school, but you certainly wouldn't be convinced by all the pouting he dishes out in the few hours we are doing school work. I'm pretty sure it just boils down to him missing his friends at school. We have joined a local group and attend play dates every Friday. He seems to be making new friends and settling in nicely with the others. I feel like the attitude will subside with time. He's thrilled that we will be picking up one of his old buddies from school tomorrow so they can spend a few hours together. I'm excited for him. My oldest daughter is doing great so far. We usually finish her work up in about an hour & 1/2. That doesn't include our read-aloud time. The toddler is always glad to have her big sister all to herself while I continue on with the boys for a couple more hours. Speaking of the little one, she is loving her 2 days a week of Mother's Day Out. She always asks when she can go to home school :) From time to time, I will let her practice her cutting skills at the bar while the others work at the table or let her play with pattern blocks and coloring pages. Every once in a while Dora will step in and offer some lessons in Spanish. She's been a real life saver ;) All 3 school-aged kids are doing great in their studies. I feel like they are getting a good balance of familiar review and challenges. I plan to do a little tweaking to our English/grammar curriculum, but other than that, I have been pleased. It's hard to believe that according to the public school schedule, we are almost a 6th of the way through our year. I'm curious to see when we will finish up. Time will tell. Speaking of time...my alarm will go off in about 7 hours, so I think I will head off to bed now. Sweet dreams!

Williams Academy

2011-08-15T19:28:00.000-05:00

Since many friends have begun asking which teachers my children will be learning from this year at Spring Hill, I've decided to announce it here, on my blog. Ready? (drum roll) Mrs. Courtney Williams!!! That's right. Me. We've decided to teach our children at home this year. I know what you're thinking. "Have you lost your mind?" Quite possibly. "Girl, you are crazy." You are probably right. "Aren't you worried about their social skills?" Hello? Have you met their father? No worries. "What are your qualifications to teach?" Quite frankly? None. I struggled to get through high school and quit college after 6 weeks with a 1.5 GPA. "Why would you want to home school?" Well, I had a strong desire to home school when our oldest was in preschool. My husband didn't share my desire at that time, so I let it go. Our oldest 3 children have done well at their father's alma matter for 5, 2 and 1 year(s). We didn't have a bad public school experience that "forced" us to pull them out. Some may assume our decision is based on "religious" reasons due to the fact that my husband has served in some form of vocational ministry for most of our marriage. Though that may have influenced our decision, it wasn't the cause for it. We aren't trying to "shelter them from the evil forces of the world and beat them over the head with the Bible daily". Don't get me wrong. We will strive to follow the instructions given to us as parents in Deuteronomy 6 by diligently teaching our children through our every word & action to love the Lord their God with all their hearts, souls and might...just as we've always tried to do when they were in public school. My husband was thinking a few weeks ago of how quickly our children are growing before our eyes. He did some math and figured out approximately how many hours he has left with our oldest son before he flies the coop. It struck a chord with him and he approached me about home schooling. Since it had already been a desire of mine, he didn't have to twist my arm. We've spent the last couple of weeks talking to family, friends we have who home school, as well as people we know who have, themselves, been home schooled trying to glean as much wisdom on the subject as we could. While I am a little anxious about my new role as "teacher", I am comforted by the amount of support and resources available to me as well as my children. I want everyone to know that we are not anti-public school. We are just pro-home school for this season in our family's life. This was a personal choice for OUR family. The children are ecstatic. Let the new journey begin!!!!

Over 2 years???

2011-08-05T00:46:00.000-05:00

Wow- Has it really been that long since I've posted on here? Unbelievable. Well, now's as good a time as any to pick it back up, I suppose. Life is extremely busy and has changed quite a bit since my last post. Certainly too much to dump on here all at once, so for tonight I will keep it simple and fill you in a little at a time. In less than 8 hours we will be on the road to enjoy some much needed rest & relaxation as a family before things gear up for the new school year. Our life could be well described as a roller coaster and God is certainly throwing us for some loopty loops; over, under & sideways, and now that my fear of this particular new adventure has subsided, I'm really beginning to enjoy the ride. I held my breath & squinted my eyes for the first couple of loops, but now it's time to throw my hands up in wreckless abandon and enjoy the ride. After all, I know who is in control and I'm more than confident that His plans for me are good. I can't wait to tell you all about it...in about a week :) Sweet dreams blog world.

2009-06-20T11:02:00.000-05:00

Jason & I had dinner with a dear couple the other night. The wife & I began a discussion about the difficulties of juggling Bible study with motherhood. Failing to consistently study my Bible has been an ongoing struggle for me for years. She has already survived the season that I am in, so I listened attentively to her advice. In the past, others have made excuses for me, "God understands this is a busy season in your life". I don't buy it. I don't believe that God blessed me with 4 beautiful children just for me, in return, to put Him on the back burner. It is so important that I make Him my #1 priority so that I can adequately reflect Him to my husband, children & others that I come in contact with. She shared a website with me that will send me daily devotions via e-mail. I usually find these things to be super cheesy, but this one in particular seems, so far, to be straight scripture with thoughts for application minus the sappy stories. I pray that I will be faithful as I strive for consistency in my daily Christian walk. In addition to my readings, I am trying to be more aware of my daily blessings & the wonder of God's creation. I'm also attempting to take a breather before yelling at my children, bless their hearts. This morning I went outside with them instead of staying in to fold clothes or veg on the couch watching t.v. as I normally would. It's a beautiful day, a little warm, but bearable. I walked the 2 girls around in the wagon. I think it was the first time for both of them- how sad is that? They sat so still & really enjoyed stopping to pick little flowers for me to stick behind my ear. We even found a lone dandelion for Victoria to wish on (she wished to be a ballerina). It was a precious time and I enjoyed just taking it all in. My oldest son is at basketball camp for the morning, but I also have my nephew for the day. He & my youngest son enjoyed building things out of sand, rocks, leaves & sticks. I love to see how the kids naturally fall into their God given gender roles. Not that my girls can't build with the best of them, but they prefer their purses and heels. I love it!
Thank you Jesus for reminding me that I'm not perfect, but that my goal is to live a life worthy of you. Thank you for equipping me with everything I need to do so. Help me walk in the truth of what I already know instead of begging you for what I've already been given; self control, power & discipline. Help me be a light to my family and everyone I come in contact with. Amen!

opportunity lost?

2009-06-11T19:56:00.000-05:00

A week ago I had a hair appointment, but was still not able to drive due to my surgery, so my sweet husband chauffeured me on his way to work. He had an appointment that started earlier than mine, so I planned to grab a quick breakfast at the coffee shop next door to my salon while I waited. I had seen Java Lounge many times, but had never actually gone in. It was very artsy and reminded me a lot of my past- a little dark & rebellious. A young man lingered up the the counter to take my order after I had been standing there for several minutes. He reminded me a little of Jack Sparrow- even though I've never seen any of the PotC movies. There was even a pirate plaque hanging behind him on the wall. He was friendly, but I couldn't help but notice his different appearance. He had a rimmed hat on, black eyeliner, a shirt with the top 3 buttons undone, and black nail polish. I don't think I was being judgemental of him, just very curious. He took his time preparing my order & didn't seem concerned about the line that was forming behind me. I was in no rush. In fact, I was enjoying the low-key atmosphere. It was relaxing, well, except for some of the goary artwork. When he finished with my breakfast, I took it and had a seat by a window. I updated my Facebook status to declare I was enjoying a peaceful breakfast at Java Lounge then sat back observing the people who came and went as I ate. I am a spectator. I could sit at the mall for hours & just watch people. I find them fascinating. I just love to try to figure out what makes people tick- why they act the way they do. This "pirate" that had served me really captured my attention- don't get the wrong idea- it wasn't any sort of attraction. When I was in jr. high & high school, I was drawn to be friends with his type; the underdog who usually rebelled because they didn't have a crowd to fit into. I always wanted to fix, or help them. I finished my meal- threw away my trash, thanked him & walked to my hair appointment.
This evening I sat at this computer and checked out our local newspaper's website. A headline read "local man featured in recent article killed in accident. 'click here to see article'". I couldn't believe my eyes. There was his picture, along with 2 of his friends. The article was about self proclaiming "bohemians" who go against the flow of modern society. One of his friends stated that some people go through life asking questions and some don't. He said that he does ask himself questions about what this life is all about. I have the answer to that question!!! If my server would've asked me, would I have been bold enough to tell him? Should I have waited for him to ask? I feel like I missed a wonderful opportunity to share the gift of eternal life with a young man who may not have had a clue. My heart is seriously grieved over this guy and his friends. The opportunity is gone- he's dead. Wow.

Hysterectomy

2009-05-25T08:21:00.000-05:00

Today I am celebrating my last day with my uterus. I am having her removed tomorrow & couldn't be more thrilled! I felt like, since our history together has been so long that I owe her a proper farewell. Here is the speech I have typed out to share at the Kotex bonfire I had planned to have before my surgery, but time has not allowed for such a get together:

Dear Uterus,
Where do I begin? We have been together for so long. I remember in the 6th grade my teachers made me watch a video about the role you would soon play in my body. Wow, that film did not adequately represent the roller coaster relationship that we would come to share. We officially met in November of the following school year in the ladies' room on the 7th grade campus. I remember I was suppose to walk to gymnastics after school that day. I was so distraught. I rode the bus home instead and was greeted by my mother & brother who were visiting in the kitchen. I remember mom asking, "Why aren't you at gymnastics?" MOTHER! How could you ask me that in front of my BROTHER! How embarrassing! I felt like you had put a stamp on my forehead announcing to the world that I had entered womanhood. I jerked her into the next room to explain that I had met you and chastised her for nearly forcing me to make the announcement in front of my brother. How dare her! And so the drama & mood swings began...(however, if you asked her, she would probably say they had been ongoing for quite some time at that point). I had entered into a sisterhood with my 2 closest friends. You introduced yourself to us within a few months of each other. We came up with the code name, "giggles", for you so we wouldn't have to mention the word "period" in front of anyone else. "Oh, I've got the giggles", we would say & then just laugh. And so the roller coaster began. Every month you greeted me with bloating, mood swings, and indescribable cramps. I was gauranteed to miss at least a day of school each month due to the agony of your little visits. I can thank you for introducing me to my other family of friends, narcotics. We go way back. Your visits became so intense that I was forced to meet with my first OB/GYN. Oh, the memories! I remember my dear friend, Lou Ann consoling me. She said, "Try not to be nervous. Just lay back on the table & count the ceiling tiles to keep yourself distracted from the exam." Ceiling tiles? Someone forgot to tell Dr. Terri Elkins that ceiling tiles should've been included in her building plans. No ceiling tiles! What was I suppose to do now? Ahhh! Floral wall paper border. I remember counting the petals on the flowers as I was being violated on that table at age 17. She put me on my first birth control pills so I could control your visits better. You were really bad about misbehaving and lingering longer than you were welcome & these pills really helped shorten your stay & keep you in line. Several years later I married Jason. I couldn't wait to try out your next function, baby basket! I would beg, "Can I have a baby yet? Huh? Huh? Can I?" 5 years later, off the pills I went. 2 months after that I found out you were holding our first child. Ahh. Maybe now I could forgive you for all the torture you had caused me through the years. It was so nice of you to give me that nice 9 month break from your visits while you held Daniel for me. 2 1/2 years later, you were so sweet to, once again, carry a son-Andrew for me. Six months after his birth we found out that you were holding another surprise angel for us. After that 3 month journey, it was determined that you would be relieved of your duty as Jesus saw fit to keep that sweet little one. Thank you for holding "Sam" for me when I couldn't. God graciously blessed us 2 months later with the pregnancy of our first daughter, Victoria. Man, I am really loving your ability to hold babies, huh?! In fact, you surprised us 3 years after her with another precious girl, Ashley. You've been such a great baby basket, but enough already! My quiver is full. I no longer have a desire to visit with you month after month. You have really begun to wear out your welcome. While I appreciate all of your service to me, it is time for us to part ways. The Kotex corporation will have to depend on someone else to fill their pockets from now on. Uterus- the ride stops here. It is with much joy that I bid you farewell. Good bye old...friend?
-Courtney

Busy day ahead!

2009-05-04T07:55:00.000-05:00

Today is our last MOPS meeting of the semester :( I love MOPS & I'm so glad there are summer activities scheduled to help entertain the kids while allowing adult interaction on my part. After MOPS today I have to run across town, pick up the 2 middle kids and drive to a neighboring town for a table leaders meeting. After that I will run the kids to Nannaw's house & head to work for a couple of hours to get my charts ready to see patients tomorrow. At 2:30 I have to pick up the oldest, then I think I will work in a trip to the gym before the oldest has to be atball practice at 5 & the youngest son has a game at 7:15...8:30 BEDTIME Whew!!! I can't wait! Maybe some snuggle time with the hubby can be squeezed in around 9. I hope you all (Krystal) have a great day. I need some more "followers" :)

Emotional hangover

2009-05-03T09:37:00.001-05:00

Due to my excessive tear shed last night and into the early morning, I faced my alarm clock with much resistance at 6:30 a.m. I have a habit of turning it off & falling back to sleep before I even realize what I've done. Such was the case today. I was woken up by my sweet children at 8:15. Oops! Church day. Need to leave by 9:15! Well, I was able to get the kiddos ready & send them with Daddy. I on the other hand, I am a different story. I think I'll be able to throw it together in time to make church (If I can drag my butt away from this computer).
I'm looking forward to the day. This afternoon I get to watch my dear friend, Michele, be showered with gifts for her soon-to-be born son, Asher. I know she and Ryan will be awesome parents as they commit to raise their son in the ways of the Lord.
This evening I am responsible for cooking the main course for our small group. Pepperoni and mozzarella stuffed chicken breasts it is! I really enjoy cooking & I hope everyone loves it.
Tomorrow is our last MOPS meeting for this semester :( I'm so glad they plan events for us to do in the summer time. MOPS is such a great outlet for me. 2 hours of adult conversation while my children are being taken care of. It doesn't get much better...unless it's a kid free vacation with my man!
Can you tell by reading this that I am Captain Random- jumping from subject to subject? It's just how I roll. Sputtering off all my thoughts as they pop into my mind :) It's time for me to practice self-discipline and peel myself out of this office chair so I can make it to church on time. Check back tomorrow as I post updates on my journey to weight loss!

Tough week

2009-05-02T23:43:00.000-05:00

This week marks a tough anniversary for me. On May 1, 2004 I had a difficult conversation with my ailing father. I stopped by his house to tell him goodbye as I was leaving Longview to head back to Liberty for another week until I would be back to help my mom care for him. When I arrived he had a terrible cough. I knew I couldn't leave town with him being that sick. I told him he would need to go to the hospital b/c it sounded like he had pneumonia. With him being a cancer patient, this is something that couldn't be taken lightly. He told me he was done with the hospital & did not want to go back. His only other option was hospice care. I told him that I would need his permission to call for hospice. He thought it over for a little bit & told me to call them. Sounds like a simple enough conversation, but it was the most difficult one I've ever had. I knew that by agreeing to go on hospice my father had given up hope in living. He fought a hard fight against bladder cancer for 18 months; going through extremely uncomfortable and humiliating tests and procedures, enduring the surgical removal of his bladder-swallowing all of his pride wearing diapers as he learned to urinate through a new "bladder" created from his intestine, losing his hair-all but a few strands that he so proudly combed & sprayed into place-as he battled through chemo, total loss of appetite, weight loss, mouth sores, pain, night sweats & just overall discomfort all for the sake of survival. He was willing to pay the high price of treatment in order to prolong his life. Unfortunately his cancer was already a stage 4 when it was found and we knew his prognosis wasn't great. Once hospice took over his care-and they did a great job-he only lived a week. We lost him on May 8, 2004.
I'm missing my dad a lot tonight. He & I had a strained relationship for most of my life. It wasn't until I was 17 that we began trying to mend things. It took time for us to get to a place where we really got along & were able to discuss our feelings together. I am so grateful that God prompted a conversation between the two of us at a youth camp in Lone Star, TX that would begin a new relationship. On the day my daddy died I can honestly say there were no words left unspoken. He knew my love for him & I knew his for me. It is still so painful. Painful that he will not see his grandchildren grow up. He never knew my 2 princesses, and oh, would he have been head over heels for them! I never imagined how much my world was going to shift after he left, but WOW! Even now, as I'm looking for a new vehicle I wish I could call for his advice. I wish I could tell him how well Jason & I are doing. The very trait I think my dad feared the most in Jason was his risk taking, but I know he really admired Jason's passion & zeal for life. Jason was the last person to speak to my daddy. When my dad was no longer able to communicate, my husband was the one to sit with him & encourage him to embrace heaven. He told him it was okay for him to leave now and that everything on this side of heaven was going to be okay. He told him that he was pursuing his education & that the kids and I were going to be taken care of. Five minutes later I went in to check on my dad. He had left the room to enter into eternity with his Heavenly Father. The same Heavenly Father who held me through the pain of losing my daddy and the same Heavenly Father who at this very moment is holding me as I cry. I am so grateful that my dad no longer suffers from the pain of cancer, the battle of depression, the temptation to pick up another cigarette. He has a new, perfect body. I rejoice for him. I know if he had been able to see into his future & the destruction smoking would cause his body, and the anguish that the loss of his life would cause his family he would've never picked up that first cigarette.
Jesus wrap me in your peace this week as I struggle to block out tough memories. Please replace them with memories of the good times. Thank you for being my eternal Father.